"Oh, you are here! Why isn't the TV on? Isn't it too quiet?"
My 19-year old cousin returned home to his quiet apartment. Not an unusual situation with the absence of a human being, but very strange when occupied. For me, however, this solitude was not just familiar, but comforting, and felt more like
home than home itself.
Were you ever in the zone? A rare, but cherished moment when a rush of creativity takes over an otherwise mundane and routine space. It happened last night.
Words and ideas and visions took me afloat, and expressed itself through my fingers gliding across the laptop. I landed in the zone. I was unstoppable and invincible in that moment. I created words out of nothingness and made them come alive in front of my eyes in the blaring screen. Then the visualist in me jumped out, and I began to scour for images to reflect the written medium.
One hour later, to my misfortune, I realized that the words from the overflow of the zone disappeared into the looming cloud of technology in a faraway world.
Unsaved, and therefore irretrievable. Refresh, refresh… nothing.
A rush of emotions, now in the form of agony and anger, shut the laptop closed and crawled into my bed.
My eyes now closed, my brain worked its literary creativity again, and spewed out: "WHYYYY?!?!?! It was such a great reflection about the process, goals and experiences of life. A perfect 'hooray' into the new year as I left behind the old. It's forever gone. I can try to rewrite, but the essence is impossible to recreate. Ughhh!"
Scratch that, it was more like "ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH@?!%??#ihateyou!!!"
And much more complaints and word barfs. Like a pinball launched and jumping from one place to another, not knowing where it would land and if it will ever land.
Then the zone took over once again: "wait, that's the point! Everything in life we see is ephemeral and temporary. I can only see in part now, and must find satisfaction in the truth that process is an essential part of my journey into eternity."
That somewhat (ehh) comforted my flustered heart, and I slept away the disappointment.
I'm not sure if your process is similar to mine. And the direction of this post is definitely going away from my lost reflective yesterday-entry expanding on "life happens, infused with both good and bad…but hey, good news! As the sun sets daily, it also rises (smiley face)."
Which actually isn't untrue.
To say the least, 2014 was the most accelerated and rich times in my 23 years of life. I felt like a participant in a marathon that jumps right in with the fire signal, into a race unpredictable - hence adventurous and wild - yet sometimes breathless.
But I admit that the point of my previous entry was fluffed with a lot more icing than what I tasted in reality.
Come on friends, this is life we are talking about!
When you spell it out, you find a whole lot more lemons in there than lemonade.
We often try to add sprinkles and icing on the top of the lemons to justify the present situation or to make it look more appetizing to others ("yeah it's hard….but hey, I'll be fine! Look, I'm eating well and visiting cool places and looking at beautiful things to make up for it all!")
Now back to my story about my cousin. This incident sparked a revelation during my one-month stay in Korea.
Life happens and sucks most of the time… and most people are too afraid to face it.
So, one way to avoid "it"? Sit in front of the colorful box called TV that replays repeated scenarios and shorelines and dialogues to drone out the undealt fears, questions, doubts, and insecurities inside. While a day worth of facing "it" (or all of the above) grows into a week-worth, a month, a year… and into decades of mess and mold - and you forget how it all began.
That's just one example. And no, I'm not condemning anyone, because I am guilty of this "crime." And mind you, the point here definitely isn't the "harmful effects of TV."
The side of life (...or actually life itself), one full of misfortune and injustice, hit me like a ton of bricks recently. Not the first time, but definitely the most sobering and awakening… as if my future self came to rescue my sometimes-too-naive 23-year-old self.
Over the years, my way to combat to face "it" was yes, a place of solitude. And no, I'm not talking about mindless meditations about life. Instead, I turn off everything that vibrates and flashes, close the doors behind me, and sit at an appointment with a dear friend of mine.
His name is Jesus Christ.
During the times when I had no one to throw tantrums to or share exciting events with or simply ask questions to, He was and is fully, and often overwhelmingly, there. My time with him is the only lasting, heart-invading assurance that yes indeed "I will be okay." No, not just "okay," but I will (with tons of exclamation marks) come out of this mess shining brighter than ever.
It will happen, not because I feel like it will, but because HE says so. He has been and will be the only one who never disappoints and remains faithful to all that He says he is.
After all, his middle name is the Way Truth and Life.
So, flowers and cake and glitter aside - that's my token for the new year. The grounds below may shake the life out of me, but I know the One who is forever secure. And that's enough for me to wake up and live another day wholeheartedly.